The Trash Bag

Now, this is a story all about how a completely unremarkable tote bag took over my life.

It wasn’t an exciting tote bag. It wasn’t from a particularly cool brand. I don’t even remember choosing it. It simply entered my life and, over time, became the best bag I had ever owned.

It was wider than it was tall, which, it turns out, is the secret. Instead of becoming an endless vertical pit where your keys go to die, everything spread out in front of you. It had a proper chunky base sewn in. The base is KEY, guys. It gives all your stuff somewhere to go besides directly upwards.

And it accommodated an honestly ungodly amount of it. Books. Shopping. Jumpers. Parcels. Laptop. Water bottle. Several things I had been carrying around for weeks for no good reason. It took all of it.

I used it constantly. I wore it absolutely to death, until it was looking distinctly sorry for itself and I had to accept that its long and extremely well-used life was probably nearing its end.

This was when I discovered that I hadn’t just enjoyed this tote bag. It had become my emotional support tote bag.

I hunted HIGH AND LOW for a replacement. Every other tote was too narrow, too tall, too flimsy or too short in the handle. I went increasingly deep into the world of wholesale canvas bags, comparing measurements like I was vying for a Nobel Prize in tote geometry.

AND THEN I FOUND IT.

It was a white-label bag.

So naturally, (as literally anyone would) I thought: FUCK IT. I’M MAKING MY OWN.

And thus, The Trash Bag was born.

It is enormous. The wide landscape shape means you can actually find things inside it, the gusseted base lets it sit properly when full, and the long, wide handles remain comfortable over your shoulder even when you have made some ambitious purchasing decisions.

It is made from sturdy natural cotton canvas, with extremely orange TRASH LOBSTER lettering on one side and a pair of extremely orange lobster claws on the other. It is bright, silly and surprisingly good at attracting compliments from strangers.

Fundamentally, I had these made because I wanted my favourite bag back. There are some available in case you would also like to become emotionally dependent on a tote bag.

The nerdy details

• 100% natural unbleached cotton canvas
• Sturdy 8oz fabric
• 52cm wide × 40cm tall
• 13cm gusseted base
• 30cm handle drop
• Long handles for comfortable shoulder carrying
• Trash Lobster lettering on one side, lobster claws on the reverse